A Mother’s Job

WANTED

One female to be available 24/7, through sickness and in health and with very little sleep. Must be willing to put aside all of ones own needs and wants and selflessly give ones life to caring for another human being. Must be able to:

  1. feed the mouths of those who will talk back in defiance
  2. lift the spirits of those who will, at times, break yours
  3. wipe the tears of those who may cause you to cry
  4. help those who are incapable of helping you
  5. listen to those who will not stop to lend you an ear

Requirements:

  1. educated enough to be modest
  2. strong enough to be gentle
  3. relentless enough to be compassionate
  4. passionate enough to be sensible
  5. experienced enough to be understanding

CRAZY? Yes! Our job is insane! Can you imagine what our brains and bodies go through every day in order to accomplish this job we call “motherhood”? It truly is a miracle we make it to the end of each day without completely losing our minds. (I honestly believe this is why wine was invented.) We get it done, though… each and every day. We never stop. Why? Because, we love our children and we are more than happy to give our everything to them. But, don’t forget to stop and give yourself a little credit. Look at our job description? We deserve a “you go girl!” Don’t you think?

“Cheers!” to us, Moms. We are amazing!

How To Get Away With… Nothing

There is absolutely no broken rule, lie or wrongdoing my children can get away with in my household. No matter the who, what, why, when, where or how, I will find out. Call it an eye for detail, call it perceptive observation, call it logical thinking, call it masterful mind reading… call it whatever you wish… I will uncover the scandal. My poor kids don’t have a chance, but that doesn’t stop them from trying!

The strategy played by my kids can only be described as an advanced version of the “if I can’t see you, you can’t see me” toddler game. The lack of logical thinking put toward the cover ups of their misconducts is almost comical. I’ve actually had a hard time keeping a stern face when reprimanding them. There have been many moments when I’ve looked at them and thought “How did you think this was ever going to work out in your favor.” or “Did you really think this was an amazing idea?” Honestly, I’m not sure if I should be worried for my children’s academic future or happy they will never have a career in crime.

In my children’s defense, however, there is nothing they can do that I, personally, didn’t do when I was young. When I add my experience to my skills in observation, I truly am my children’s worst nightmare… or the best thing that has ever happened to them (It really depends on who’s telling the story). I see all, hear all, know all… and that’s the way I like it. Of course, my kids will make mistakes and I hope they do! Mistakes build character and strength and create amazing adults… if you learn from said mistakes. So, yes, I want them to mess up, because I want them to be able to make intelligent decisions when they’re grown.

If you think about it, if we weren’t, at one time, young and stupid, we wouldn’t be old and wise, now. So, let’s allow our kids to make mistakes… but don’t let them get away with those mistakes! “Cheers!” to us, Moms! We can do this!

 

The Joke Is On Us

Amongst all of the amazing experiences we have while raising our children, there is one big, nasty prank… and it lasts about five years. As our children grow, they somehow mutate into these unrecognizable creatures we call “teenagers”. It seems to happen over night and there doesn’t seem to be an explanation as to why this undesirable stage of life exists… except to add a few years of wrinkles, gray hairs and stories to tell. Don’t worry, however, I’ve been told it’s just temporary and, if we can withstand the storm, we will see our sweet children again… someday.

These creatures are completely unpredictable and sneaky… oh boy are they sneaky. Their ¬†personalities can change in the blink of an eye, so be on your toes. You may be having a completely lovely conversation one minute and, the next thing you know… you are suddenly listening to an ear-piercing sound that doesn’t even slightly resemble a coherent sentence. There’s no point in trying to reason with the screeching nonsense, because, at some point during the mutation into this creature, the ability to think logically has been completely lost. Don’t plan on trying to calm down the situation with a favorite snack or dinner, because their preferences change daily… sometimes hourly. Certainly, don’t try to make a joke to change the overall mood, because they are capable of rolling back their eyes so far that there’s a small chance their eyes might actually stay that way.

I’ve spent many evenings pondering ideas to conquer these creatures. Are there headphones that translate the high pitch squeal? Can we replace the battery in their brain to refill the currently empty common sense file? Is there a crystal ball to determine what the trend for each hour will be?

Unfortunately, I have yet to find any solution to assist us in the passing of this prank. So, as of now, all we can do is keep our sense of humor, start practicing yoga and stock up on wine.

“Cheers” to us, Moms!

 

Karma Is A Teenage Daughter

Karma… it’s real!… and it comes with a sweet little face, a beautiful smile and a laugh that can light up a room. Don’t be fooled! This is just an alter ego. Karma is indeed… a teenage daughter.

I wasn’t an easy child in my teenage years. I like to think I kept life interesting. Ha! Okay, I was a handful. It’s true, the middle child is the reason rules are made. At least that was the case with me and my siblings… and it is definitely the case with my children.

My mother used to say “Wait until you have kids. This will all come back to haunt you.” Of course, I didn’t believe her, but she was right!! I have been blessed with the Queen of Drama Queens.¬†She is the epitome of Drama Queens. She is, I dare say, a phenomenon. She can turn any situation into a huge dramatic event and make sure she is the center of attention… and I mean ANY situation. And, if something big actually does happen in her life?… find the earplugs and pull out the yoga mat, cuz you will hear about it again and again and again and again. I have never seen anything like it. The girl’s got a gift!

The best part of all of this is the fact that she’s only 13!! Yep, you read that right. She just stepped into her teenage years and has already mastered her craft. I still have five more years of this! That means, I have five more years until I’m completely gray… cuz I know she’s the one that will do it to me.

So, yes, Karma IS real and it WILL come back to get ya… in the form of a teenage daughter… better have your wine ready!

“Cheers” to us, Moms!

 

 

Three Kids, A Mom And A Circus Act

We’ve all been there…those days, weeks (sometimes months) when you feel like you’re surrounded by a three-ring circus and you are the only performer… besides the little clowns running around tossing buckets of water on themselves and bonking each other on the head with foam bats. You are the balancing act, the juggling act and, most important, the ringmaster. The times when, it seems, everyone’s schedule is twice as busy, you have three times as many errands to run, the dog needs to go to the groomers, one child has a dentist appointment, another child has an eye exam…then, suddenly, one child needs another piece of sporting equipment and the other reminds you he needs his senior pictures taken and… I think you know what I’m talking about, right?

As moms, we work hard to juggle everyone’s schedule, including our own, in order to get everything accomplished and keep everyone happy. We struggle to balance all of the craziness with just a few moments of peace, so we can reconnect with our children and make sure their world is calm and happy. However, if we were actually achieving this balancing act, wouldn’t the amount of peace be a bit more equal to the amount of craziness?

I think, as moms, we tend to be overachievers and, when you’re in the middle of a circus act, it’s easy to forget that our children need time with us just as much as they need opportunities to explore the world and discover who they are. Maybe it’s not that big of a deal if the laundry doesn’t get sorted for a few days and just piles up in a huge mess of clean clothes or the dishwasher doesn’t get emptied or the dog has to wait a couple more weeks to go to the groomers. Let’s take the pressure off of ourselves, lower our own expectations of ourselves… and make some memories with our children. They won’t be little forever and they will want to look back at their lives and have memories of time spent with us just as much as we will want to look back and have memories of them.

So, let’s leave the dishes in the sink and go outside for a spontaneous run in the sprinkler or a board game or a game of catch or whatever you like to do… and enjoy our children!

“Cheers” to us, Moms!